Freddie's never coming back now I heard he broke the rules He's in the iron prison black now He took us all for fools He tried to make a paradise And it was too good to be true He said the cats should love the mice And we should love each other too Freddie, won't you come home Freddie, where have you gone When Freddie came he was a stranger But through and through he just survived But we could see he was in danger Almost since he first arrived Freddie, won't you come home Freddie, where have you gone So you better not shout and you better not cry Freddie's just gone and there ain't no asking why Okay! Don't fall for the hype don't believe the lies I saw him taken out with my own two eyes Though still some people will say Freddie got away! (During the following instrumental the characters remain stock still and expressionless. On the scrim/screen at the back of the stage, still photos are projected. The photos continue through the last verse. The photos are black-and-white, grainy shots of mental patients: in padded cells, being escorted down hallways by orderlies, in electroshock therapy. They may or may not be photos of BOY/FREDDIE.) They put him in a padded cell now Gave him a box of apple juice They thought they might get Freddie well now But I guess it was no use He feels the beauty and the pain now The fire burning without end So if you're thinking of staying sane now Remember Freddie my friend. Freddie, won't you come home Freddie, where have you gone So you better not shout and you better not cry Freddie's just gone and there ain't no asking why Okay! Don't fall for the hype don't believe the lies I saw him taken out with my own two eyes Though still some people will say Freddie got away! (Now suddenly MERCURY Z quickly removes his straitjacket and reveals his ROCK GARB underneath. He steps to either corner at the front of the stage where there is a mike on a mikestand, and lights a cigarette. When he responds to the repeated calls of “Freddie got away” he shakes his head and looks bemusedly at the audience underscoring the naiveté of the singers. Meanwhile the singers singing “Freddie got away” recede from view. They glide off the stage and their spotlights dim, leaving only MERCURY in a large, somewhat wobbly follow spot.) MERCURY Z: Ha ha ha! CAST: Freddie got away! MERCURY Z: I don't think so people.... CAST: Freddie got away! MERCURY Z: Okay you go on thinking that.... Now let's Give it up for THE BAND!

(Now the curtain or screen rises at a signal from MERCURY, and we see first the BAND, and then as lights come up, the stage of the UNDERLAND ROCK CLUB. It is a typical medium-sized rock club stage. Amps, monitors, cables everywhere. Banks of par cans visible to the audience. Cups of water and bottles of beer on the floor, on the amps, everywhere. Drum and percussion risers in the back. The BAND acts casual and confident, joking with each other while playing. Roadies hover at the sides and occasionally walk out to adjust something. While going through his patter MERCURY struts about, points out individual audience members and winks at them, high fives individual band members.) MERCURY Z: People, people people! Welcome one and all I'm your host, Mercury Z I run this little concert hall This rock'n'roll cabaret A home base for Far-outs and Freaks You'll here all the latest sounds here As well as some noble antiques A special "hello" to our first-timers tonight The honor is all on our side This boogie balloon will soon rise and take flight So let us strap you down for the ride Please feast your eyes on the beautiful choir And the ever-sexy band They are willing to grant your every whim and desire Here at the Underland.... CAST: Welcome, to the Underland Let us take your hand Have no fear We're all friends here And the end is near So come on inside And ride, ride, ride! MERCURY Z: Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Kitten Candi! KITTEN CANDI: Good-looking girls, and beautiful boys So good to be here tonight Why don’t you help me out and make a little noise So we can do this thing right I got a demon in the shape of a pill Never gives me a break All day he bounces me from fever to chill All night he keeps me awake A never-ending itch I just gotta scratch A little bit just leaves me thirsty for more So pour the kerosene and light me a match And start the fireworks on the Underland floor! CAST: Welcome, to the Underland Let us take your hand Come through the wall We've tried it all So enjoy your fall Come stay for a while And smile, smile, smile!

CAST: Well the freaks are all showing up here tonight Huffin and a-puffin with all their might There's always so many this time of year The freak police are in charge around here Now the freaks are all reporting for duty Headquarters said "get in formation shake your booty" Showin' off the moves right up to the break of daylight With big fat grooves and seven tons of dynamite Stop – stop – stop – stop – stop and listen! KITTEN AND BECKY: Now we all come out every Friday night MERCURY Z: Gonna have a freaky good time KITTEN AND BECKY: Got to shake and shout til the morning light MERCURY Z: Gonna have a freaky good time. CAST: Now the freaks are all coming outta hibernation Dancing and prancing with a dubious gyration Bothering the locals just to get some recreation Hand in hand across a fine and freaky nation Stop – stop – stop – stop – stop and listen! ALIENS: See the silly earthlings, how they dance and cavort We are intrigued and bewildered by this indigenous sport. This is the freakiest show I have ever seen. There was nothing like this on Zlotar-17. CAST: See the full moon rise and hear the west wind’s howl Read omens in the skies both freaky and foul Pound on the pans and rattle castanets Calling all freaky studs and studettes. KITTEN AND BECKY: Now we all come out every Friday night MERCURY Z: Gonna have a freaky good time KITTEN AND BECKY: Got to shake and shout til the morning light MERCURY Z: Gonna have a freaky good time. MERCURY Z: With dragon’s teeth I planted rows of freaks KITTEN: Oh yeah? How’d that work out? MERCURY Z: They started to blossom in a couple of weeks KITTEN: Nothing like seeing a fresh freak sprout! MERCURY Z: I baked a couple in the oven too KITTEN: I hope they were tasty ones! MERCURY Z: Just like magic they rose and grew. KITTEN: Mmm hot freaky buns! MERCURY Z: Just gotta stop – stop – stop – stop – stop and listen! CAST: He's a freak she's a freak everybody here's a freak Zip zakalaka boomity boom I’m a freak you’re a freak comin’ thru the door a freak Zip zakalaka boomity boom He's a freak she's a freak everybody here's a freak Zip zakalaka boomity boom

MERCURY Z: As a lonely kid about fifteen I buried my nose in a magazine And there was a picture of the one who came to save me. With a burning guitar and a wall of sound He melted teenage frustrations down And never have I lost the gift he gave me. Boy-O, Boy-O, everyone’s favorite Rock Star. Boy-O, Boy-O, rock on Boy rock on. BECKY: As a girl both shy and overweight I watched TV and stayed up late And there on the screen I saw my fate before me. In the warm and dark I’d close my eyes Sail far away and fantasize Til through my blindness from my lies he tore me. MERCURY & BECKY: Boy-O, Boy-O, everyone’s favorite Rock Star. Boy-O, Boy-O, rock on Boy rock on. MERCURY: They don’t make Rock Stars like they used to MERCURY & BECKY: Or so my big brother said. They just use MTV to trick you Those days are gone, passed, and dead. So we dance until our feet get sore We wear out every beer soaked floor We pound on every backstage door to meet you. Ten flying fingers on your hands And siren singers and funky bands But it’s only all us faithful fans complete you. CAST: Boy-O, Boy-O, everyone’s favorite Rock Star. Boy-O, Boy-O, rock on Boy rock on. Boy-O, Boy-O, everyone’s favorite Rock Star. Boy-O, Boy-O, everyone’s favorite Rock Star. Rock on, rock on, Rock on, rock on.

BOY-O: Hey brother, why you standing in the rain Don'tcha think it's time to get the sun to shine again now Hey sister, why you turn and look away We were going looking for a sunny day now Hey big man, ideals in your eyes Are you standing still or are you paralyzed now Hey stranger are you looking for a fight Or are you simply shivering in the lonely night now? So is it gonna be a love kind of thing tonight And is it gonna be a love kind of thing til the rosy morning light Will we eat from the apple tree Will we set each other free Come one ride down the river out to the sea And do a love kind of thing with me Hey Jesus, it's a crime and it's a shame All the crying and the dying in your holy name, yeah Hey people, you know I think the time is now Gotta find a way to break the rules somehow, yeah So is it gonna be a love kind of thing tonight And is it gonna be a love kind of thing til the rosy morning light Will we eat from the apple tree Will we set each other free Come one ride down the river out to the sea And do a love kind of thing with me Cause at the end of the world Under the rim of the sky There's a heavenly garden In a valley so wide There's a snake in a tree With a present for you and me Cause we all got to die But we sure would like to know why Can't live forever but we might as well try So come on come on come on And bite that apple.

BOY-O: I'm the funny little airplane guy And I fly up high in the sky And I fly all over the place Trying to figure out the human race So many wonders I see below So many things my travels show And I'm so perplexed What will I see next? Go go little airplane go! I was flying over New York City One September morning so pretty When two birds flew out of the sky Saying "evil Americans die" And they came in the name of Allah And they knocked down the temple of the Dollar And burned all the people in it Two thousand gone in a minute And I saw it all from my plane And heard the voices of sorrow and pain And now they shine in heavenly glory If you believe that side of the story A holy war can be thrilling If you're suicidal and willing But it seems kinda strange How God can arrange So much glory from so much killing. So many wonders I see below So many things my travels show And I'm so perplexed What will I see next? Go go little airplane go! So I flew to Afghanistan Just to look for a very bad man Cause there was no doubt Those two birds flew out From a nest in the palm of his hand. I saw Sam my uncle there Dropping bombs from high in the air And he knew he had a world to save So he blew up every village and cave And he really meant to find that Nest But somehow he kept forgetting And with smart bombs heaven blessed He took out every mosque and wedding And on CNN it looked quite thrilling We were powerful strong and willing When you're the world's police In the name of Peace You sure gotta do a lot of killing. So many wonders I see below So many things my travels show And I'm so perplexed What will I see next? Go go little airplane go! I was flying out over Iraq Cause I heard about the great attack We were gonna do the world a favor Gonna beat up on their nasty neighbor But "calm down" the world came to tell us Well, we figured they must just be jealous Cause though we got little jobs for everyone Only America can be Top Gun. And we spared no vast expense As we attacked in the name of defense And if we had to take their oil away It was a price we'd just have to pay Being the Good Guys sure is thrilling When you're powerful strong and willing With so much at stake Only the weak lie awake And worry about collateral killing. So many wonders I see below So many things my travels show And I'm so perplexed What will I see next? Go go little airplane go!

BECKY: Now that’s a rock star, heavy and hot Let’s keep it goin’ til dawn KITTEN: Yo Becky, I’ll tell you what Your boy can sing but he does go on BECKY: Boy puts it out there and he says what he thinks I’ll follow wherever he goes KITTEN: Shouldn’t you be getting back to pouring the drinks And leave the show to the pros! BECKY: Meow kitten! BOY-O: Hey girls, let’s not fight, there’s enough of me to go around! Thanks everybody, I’ll be right back. Don’t forget to tip your bartender!

KITTEN: Hey…yo! Excuse me…Mr. O? BOY: Ha ha ha, well, you can just call me Boy. KITTEN: Okay….Boy. Don’t gimme no politics That’s all such a bore Don’t gimme opinions Don’t dare talk about the war I just want to lose myself Hang out and dance So what’s a girl gotta do to get into Those Rock Star pants? Don’t gimme no slogans Not for this sweet kitty cat Don’t get up on a soapbox How dare you do that! Life’s too short to worry So pardon my advance What’s a girl gotta do to get into Those Rock Star pants? BOY: Well, that is a fine proposal And you are a fine kitty cat But I gotta say thank you but no, So please let me go Here’s why I can’t get undressed: I’m just too depressed CAST: Ohhh…. BOY: And so although you gave it your best I’m just too depressed. KITTEN: Now there you go again Stop getting me down I could make you happy Down on the ground I like to take control I’ll warn you in advance So what’s a girl gotta do to get into Those Rock Star pants? BOY: Well, that is a fine proposal And you are a pretty kitty cat Now you can look but don’t touch, But thank you so much Don’t mean to make you feel bad But I’m just so sad I know how much fun we could have had But I’m just too sad. I know how much fun we could have had But I’m just too sad. KITTEN: So there’s nothing I can do to get into, no no, CAST: He knows much fun they could have had But I’m just too sad. KITTEN: So there’s nothing I can do to get into, no no, KITTEN & BOY: No, no, no, no CAST: Don’t gimme no politics That’s all such a bore Don’t gimme opinions Don’t dare talk about the war We just want to lose ourselves Hang out and dance So what’s a girl gotta do to get in So what’s a girl gotta do to get in So what’s a girl gotta do to get into BOY: I can’t get undressed, I’m just too depressed Though you gave it your best, Oh its just too bad, oh I’m just too sad, Oh don’t feel bad but I’m just blue, In these rock star pants. ALL: He’s just too sad.

BOY: You people don’t know what I’ve been through, what I have lost Such happiness I’ve known, at such a cost. The first of June A crescent moon The crickets singing their song It all went wrong Honey so long This is true, yes every word It’s the saddest story you ever heard It’s all true, yes every word Ain’t that the saddest story you ever heard? That bride of mine Looked so fine On our wedding night We drank champagne After the rain In the sweet starlight I said, Honey don’tcha go walking down by the water There’s danger there, so please take care By the edge of the lake, there lives a snake You must beware – but One hour of bliss One final kiss Then I looked round and saw she was gone And I cried til dawn, Now I can’t go on. CAST: It’s all true BOY: Yes, every word ALL: That’s the saddest story you ever heard It’s all true, yes every word Ain’t that the saddest story you ever heard? CAST: When he would sing to her all the animals listened Even the birdies in the trees Now he’s an empty shell and something is missing Look at him down on his knees BOY: She was the prettiest perfect thing I’d ever seen And every day I sit and cry For my lost wife Long black hair and eyes of green If only I could try To bring her back to life…. (talking) All the sunshine went out of my life that day Now I struggle on in a world that’s dim and gray And I say- Where are you, sun? Make us two one….. CAST: It’s all true BOY: Yes, every word ALL: That’s the saddest story you ever heard It’s all true, yes every word Ain’t that the saddest story you ever heard? And in my darkest dreams I lose my love again And in my fantasies I choose my love again And in my inner mind I find my love again BOY: My life is through, it’s done But someday this will all be on VH-1.

MERCURY: So you've noticed Life is empty and without meaning (We've got a pill for that) On this rocky sphere Out through time and space careening (We've got a pill for that) Why should you cry and sigh my my And watch your only life slide by (We've got a pill yeah) Come run away and play today and say "hellay! this is the way!" (We've got a pill yeah) MERCURY & BOY: Enjoy the soothing balm of confidence and calm of mental peace As your world is tinted rosy Just take this jolly colored capsule it's convenient time-release Feel safe secure and cosy MERCURY & BECKY: Have you seen us We have got it all on automatic (We've got a pill for that) The love between us Remains complex and problematic (We've got a pill for that) It’s not too late, why wait for fate You can create a great new you (We've got a pill yeah) Blow to and fro and crow no no Or let it go and breathe anew (We've got a pill yeah) MERCURY & BOY: Enjoy the soothing balm of confidence and calm of mental peace You’ll soon be feeling better Just take this jolly colored capsule it's convenient time-release And kid go out and get her. KITTEN: La la la la la la, one every morning La la la la la la, one every evening too This is our gift to you. CAST: Hmmm, we’ve got a pill for those whose shoulders ache Hmmm, we’ve got a pill for those whose poor hearts break Hmmm, we’ve got a pill for those who lie awake Hmmm, it’s a piece of cake, so come on…. Why feel this fear? Why shed a tear? Salvation’s here! All the pain can disappear! So come on, so come on Your trusty pill is standing near! MERCURY Z: Possible side effects may include: loss of appetite, loss of sex drive, loss of the ability to love, loss of the ability to enjoy life, in fact complete waste of your entire mortal existence—but not to worry ladies and gentlemen, it’s FDA approved! Hoo ha! BOY-O: Enjoy the soothing balm of confidence and calm of mental peace As your world is tinted rosy Just take this jolly colored capsule it's convenient time-release Feel safe secure and cosy

STROGENA: My brother…. RILDIVAM: Yes, Strogena ? STROGENA: My seven-chambered heart goes out to these psychologically stunted creatures, the humans. RILDIVAM: Yes, truly they are, ah, pretty messed up…..to borrow their vernacular…. STROGENA: They have not yet discovered the art of Unifying Behereification…. RILDIVAM: Nor would they be capable of practicing it, except perhaps in a most rudimentary form. STROGENA: Yet I shudder to contemplate existence without the enlightened Behereifying arts we were taught on Zlotar-17. Forced to cope with everyday reality through the use of psychotropic pharmaceuticals. RILDIVAM: Many of them seek alternative methods of compensating for the, ah, general fucked-upness, of their spiritual existence….for instance, there are the great monotheisms…. STROGENA: Oh, that’s a good one! RILDIVAM: There is what they sometimes refer to as ….”Makin’ Whoopee”. STROGENA: I believe that phrase refers to the reproductive act. RILDIVAM: Really? How odd. STROGENA: I have noticed that the kittenish female relies on the Whoopee method of spiritual amelioration…. RILDIVAM: Perhaps to an almost pathological degree. STROGENA: While the bartender chick prefers to incinerate the foliage of the cannabis plant…. RILDIVAM: It seems to provide similarly limited psychospiritual Grooveitude. STROGENA: ….though without the putative benefits of “FDA approval”. RILDIVAM: I see the humans are about to commence their ritual of foliage incineration—shall we join them? STROGENA: Certainly! Let us don our disguises. RILDIVAM: Perhaps just a bit of Unifying Behereification before we head down. STROGENA: Good idea, sweet Rildivam…. TOGETHER: ….Mmmmm…..

BECKY: I’m gonna wait right here until I know what’s going on in my head It’s something difficult to figure out I know but it won’t take me too long I’ll avoid clichés and use good common sense to figure out what’s wrong I’ll sit right here and smoke a couple of my morning cigarettes. MERCURY & BOY: Go ask the doctor, he’ll do you a favor Tell him how you feel, he’s a friendly neighbor (And I’m a good friend.) BECKY: I’ve seen a couple things to indicate that something might be gone I feel an empty space about the size of a quarter in my head I’m a lot like other people, but I don’t think I’ve gotten there quite yet At least I still can smoke my funny little morning cigarettes. MERCURY & BOY: Talk to your teacher, he’ll see what he can do Go see the dentist, he wants to help you too (And I’m a good friend.) ALL: I interact with people on a level fairly close to theirs I look through them and see that everything is right where it should be Can’t help but wonder what this missing piece might do for me At least I still can smoke my funny little morning cigarettes. Watch some television, it might give you advice Listen to some music, doesn’t it sound nice. (And I’m a good friend.) DR. Ü: Hey everybody vot is ze meaning of zis? Don’t you know it’s time for lights out, ja?

CAST: Lights out! Lights out! You had your bit of fun now but it’s getting on ten o’clock Lights out! BOY: Whoa, what about the show? I was getting ready to kick it into gear CAST: Lights out! Lights out! Your little show is done now get up and smile for the Doc Lights out! BOY: Whatever do you mean What about the groovy music in my ear – listen! CAST: No, none of this is real, Boy oh Boy Except inside your little mind So now how do you feel, as you find It’s all in your head Will you let us tuck you in bed? Sorry Fred. Lights out! Lights out! Enough of this fornication now enough of this freaky funk Lights out! DR. Ü: We go through this every night about this time, Freddie my boy! CAST: Lights out! Lights out! Better take your medication better hurry into your bunk Lights out! DR. Ü: An even more inspired act than usual this time. Perhaps that’s a good sign, ha ha ha. CAST: No, none of this is real, Boy oh Boy Except inside your little mind So now how do you feel, as you find It’s all in your head Will you let us tuck you in bed? Sorry Fred. You’re just another face Just another sorry case At the Ünderland Home For The Totally Insane® La la la la la, you’re totally insane, totally insane…. BOY & DR. Ü: Lights out! Lights out! KITTEN & BECKY: You do the same thing every night and we like to play along MERCURY: Your real name is Frederick Tybus. You suffered a complete mental breakdown 18 months ago. BOY & DR. Ü: Lights out! Lights out! KITTEN & BECKY: You like to step into the light, you like to sing a little song MERCURY: If you don’t believe me look at your ID tag. Inside your shirt, silly! BOY-O: And now I find myself relapsing To a life I dimly do recall And as this cardboard world’s collapsing, I hit the wall CAST: It’s all in your head! BOY-O: Why don’t you tuck me in bed CAST: Sorry Fred. BOY-O: I’m just another punk Just another ship that sunk CAST: At the Ünderland Home For The Totally Insane® BOY-O: Really? Totally insane? That’s disturbing…. CAST: La la la la la, you’re totally insane, totally insane…. DISEMBODIED VOICES FROM FARAWAY: And maybe later in your dream You’ll be sighing Flying Light as air Riding on pink puffy clouds with the wind in your hair. There, there. BOY-O: Wo, I don’t wanna go No no no, I don’t wanna stop the show. GIRLS: Wo wo, he don’t wanna go no, But it’s time time time, time to stop the show. BOY, DR Ü, MERCURY: Time time keeps ticking on down the line time time, Time time keeps slipping into a rhyme time time ALL: Lights out! Lights out! Lights out! Lights out! Lights out! BOY-O: No, I don’t wanna go, I don’t ever wanna stop the show GIRLS: No, la di da di day, La di da di da di da di day. ALL: Lights out! Lights out! Lights out! Lights out! Lights out! No, I don’t wanna go, I don’t ever wanna stop the show No, la di da di day, La di da di da di da di day. Lights out! Lights out! Lights out! Lights out! Lights out! No, I don’t wanna go, I don’t ever wanna stop the show No, la di da di day, La di da di da di da di day. (repeat as music goes crazy) Good night Sleep tight. END OF DISC ONE

BOY: My dream is a breeze I float like a leaf And here I find ease And I find relief Through warm stormy weather I rock and I roll All my parts put together All my pieces made whole My last journey begun I will be made one My boat floats toward the sea I drift peacefully Forgetful and free. Dark river flowing down to the sea Dark river flowing down to the sea Flow river, to the sea Deep river, carry me.

MERCURY, KITTEN, BECKY: Hey, hey Boy, wake up Hey, hey now, the doctor's gone away, Two in the morning, it's power hour. All rise. MERCURY: Wake up from silvery dreamerscape Come back from sleepy sweet escape, boy. Up rise through thick illusions now No lies no trick confusions now, boy. This court is now in session We need your full confession Boy, open up your eyes ALL: Awake and arise. Hey, hey Boy, wake up Hey, hey now, the doctor's gone away, Two in the morning, it's power hour, all rise. BOY: Whatever do you people want with me? MERCURY, KITTEN, BECKY: Hey, hey Boy, wake up Hey, hey now, the doctor's gone away, Two in the morning, it's power hour, all rise. BOY: I was dreaming so peacefully. MERCURY: Too bad about your fantasy We need you back in reality, son. We've come to hold your hand a while We're here to understand and smile, son. This court is now in session We need your full confession Boy, open up your eyes ALL: Awake and arise.

MERCURY: Glowing in the golden candlelight The freaks are all up in the middle of the night Here's where the real freak show goes down We got the funkiest funk in town MERCURY KITTEN & BECKY: And the freaks are assuming emergency powers All through the ghostly suicide hours Everybody ready to stay up late? We'll shake you bake you and set you straight. Cause we all awake round the hour of two Gonna have a freaky good time. Now the world's a fake and make believe is true Gonna have a freaky good time. MERCURY: While Boy-O in his dreams was walking BOY: Thinking I was alone BECKY: We were sitting in a circle talking BOY: Whoever could have known? MERCURY: Now Kitty came up with the master plan BOY: Well thank you Kitty I’m most impressed MERCURY KITTEN & BECKY: But we all pitched in and lent a hand BOY: I’m grateful beyond what words can express! CAST: Just stop – stop – stop – stop –just stop and listen! Listen to Kitty speak. You gotta stop – stop – stop – stop –just stop and listen! Listen to Kitty speak. KITTEN: Well…. I know a closet on the second floor Where there is hidden a little secret door And that door leads you to a steep staircase Spiralling down into a deep dreamy place We gotta go down down down down to the lonely black Gotta find the land of the dead, and get your pretty little girlfriend back! CAST: Cause we all awake round the hour of two KITTEN: Never you mind the wherefore or when CAST: Now the world's a fake and make believe is true KITTEN: Gonna put that boy together again. BOY: It sounds pretty good – but how do I know The land of the dead is where these secret stairs go? KITTEN: Well – oh – Doctor! CAST: Doctor! What are you doing up? We were just…ah…. Er….that is…. DR. Ü: Guten nacht everybody. It’s nice to see you. Oh, don’t worry about me, really. Keep the music going. It’s a wonderful piece. CAST: Uh, OK….he wants to keep the music going…. DR. Ü: I’ve got a secret I bet nobody knows All these years and no one’s got a clue Although I like to strike a professorial pose The truth is I’m just a loony as you! (OOH! HUH!) Yes you may murmur (MURMUR!) and you may gasp (GASP!) I’m an unbalanced medical man (MAN!) I’ve got the solution and it’s simple to grasp So let’s continue this ludicrous plan. Now, the little matter of the stairs…. Since we’re all delusional anyway Why not simply hypothesize, Postulate the stairs to go wherever we say? CAST: Yeah! We’re all crazy anyway! The stairs go wherever we say! We’re all crazy anyway! The stairs go wherever we say! MERCURY: Boy, you’re a rock star again so let’s get you dressed To meet the King Of The Dead, you got to look your best. DR. Ü: Now after my confession I’ve only got one thing to say In my favorite English expression I think it’s time to “PARTAY”! CAST: Partay! Partay! Partay! Woo! Partay! Partay! Zip zip zakalaka li lay! Partay! Partay! Woo! Partay! Partay! Zip zip zakalaka li lay! Partay! Partay! Woo! BOY: We’re gonna go down down down down MERCURY: Down to the lonely black BOY & MERCURY: Gonna find the land of the dead, and get that pretty little girlfriend back CAST: Everyone get in single file Marching on down the hall Light a candle those stairs are steep No fear now people stand tall DR. Ü: Let’s put a blindfold on the Boy now. There are things down there too horrible for him to see.

CAST: Down the hallway to the great staircase you go Down in deep where you forget every face you know Down in dreams to a dark and dusty place you go Not a sound here Deep in the ground here KITTEN & BECKY: Boy, you got your daddy’s eyes. Boy, you got your daddy’s eyes. Boy, you got your daddy’s eyes. Come on.

STROGENA: Rildivam? RILDIVAM: Yes – my brother? STROGENA: I think I know why the humans are so….messed up. RILDIVAM: To borrow their vernacular. STROGENA: The thing is: they can conceive of happiness, but they cannot truly experience it, except fleetingly, or in retrospect. RILDIVAM: Mmmm. STROGENA: They can conceive of love, but their efforts to enjoy it have led them to invent dating services, pornography, and various vibrating devices including something called a— RILDIVAM: I get the idea. STROGENA: Above all: they can conceive of eternity, yet live with the foreknowledge of their own finite lifespans. RILDIVAM: Yes. (a pause) STROGENA: I would like to show you my latest invention. RILDIVAM: By all means, Strogena. STROGENA: I call it the “Schnoozifoozilator.” RILDIVAM: And what is its purpose? STROGENA: It employs microcellular electroselfreplicating spore synthesis mumutechnology inside a Girardian Vacuum Chamber to generate independent sub-gamma particles….which are then concentrated and distilled into this odorless, clear liquid. RILDIVAM: Some is dripping, there. STROGENA: I call the liquid concentrate “Schnoozis”. RILDIVAM: And what is the use of this….”Schnoozis”? STROGENA: It negates the psychogravitational reality projection field and generates synthetic psychogravitons based on local alpha consciousness emanations….in short, it makes imaginary things….real. RILDIVAM: Do you drink it? STROGENA: No, contact is sufficient. I am working on packaging Schnoozis into a convenient spray bottle. (after another pause) RILDIVAM: That is a fascinating creation my brother….but please deactivate it temporarily. I am most curious to see what will happen with the humans on their quasi-mythological escapade. STROGENA: (turning machine off) As am I….Do you think Boy-O’s fractured psyche can be repaired by this bizarre play-acting? RILDIVAM: Anything’s possible. Let’s go in for a closer look. Please shut down the Ether Illumination Matrix— (machine shuts down) --and the Gluon Intensifier… (another machine shuts down) STROGENA: Yes, that’s better. I will also attenuate the gain on the main hyperthrust amplifier. RILDIVAM: Shh, let us observe. They have reached the foot of the great staircase. STROGENA: They appear to be at the edge of a fetid and murky body of water.

BOY: The stony people crossed a land of concrete Got dirt beneath their fingernails and blisters on their feet Now we find a river deep with dirty muck and mud He says “Have you traveled here just to drown?” I say “Hey Mr. River I’ve got poison in my blood Better not to swallow me down.” CAST: Lift high, high, keep the Boy high and dry Show him the warm water splashing High, high, never think or ask why Through thunder crashing and the distant fire flashing BOY: The stony people have now offered me a lift Through warm marshy shallows where broken branches drift The ferryman stops us as we’re halfway across Saying “For the living to pass this point is not wise!” I say “I’m really dead inside from love’s tragic loss Check out these pennies on my eyes.” CAST: Lift high, high, keep the Boy high and dry Show him the warm water splashing High, high, never think or ask why Through thunder crashing and the distant fire flashing Beware, take care, cause kid you’re nearly there Beware, take care, cause kid you’re nearly there BOY: So by and by we reach the river’s far edge Climb into the country of dark despair and hate I survey the scene from a black volcanic ledge And see the watchdog chained up before the gate. All stink and bloody claws, all stench and drooling jaws, In a cloud of black flies buzzing round He starts to growl at me, with big heads one two three I see there is no way around I say “Hey Mr. Watchdog, why don’tcha go dig up a bone I’ll just give you a nasty toothache Or try and bit, but as you can see I’m made of stone And surely all those pretty teeth will break. CAST: Lift high, high, keep the Boy high and dry Show him the warm water splashing High, high, never think or ask why Through thunder crashing and the distant fire flashing Beware, take care, cause kid you’re nearly there Beware, take care, cause kid you’re nearly there BOY: I gotta beware, I gotta take care, cause I know I’m nearly there Through thunder crashing and the distant fire flashing (etc)

DR. U: Und now, my boy, you have reached das Shady Kingdom. You must finish this alone. Walk five careful steps forward, then you may remove the blindfold….bonne chance! BOY: One – two – three – four – five Here I am! SHADES: Uh – uh – uh – uh Uh – uh – uh – uh Push! Pull! Rock! Roll! Bail! Pail! Faster! QUEEN OF THE DEAD: (vocalizes) BOY: Well…. Come out come out wherever you are Mr. King Of The Dead, I’ve traveled so far And I’m not gonna be long Come out come out wherever you are Mr. King Of The Dead, I’ve traveled so far Just gonna do one song SHADES: (as QUEEN vocalizes) Push! Pull! Rock! Roll! Bail! Pail! Faster! BOY: Come out come out from a shadow unseen Mr. King Of The Dead I hear your Queen Come out and listen to me Come out come out from a shadow unseen Mr. King Of The Dead I hear your Queen You’re the one I came to see SHADES, BOY: Here in violet night See a strange and perfect wonder A living man from in the place of light Walking in the world down under. KING OF THE DEAD: Well well well. What have we here. Hello hello hello I hear you can really sing Well I’m Hell’s own CEO Please don’t call me King. Try to get this thru your head It’s 2003 ya know Don’t call me King Of The Dead The title is CEO. It’s always “thee” “thou” or “majesty please” With the bowing and the scraping on the knees It all seems so medieval Don’t call me Pluto Mephisto or Hades I work out at the gym and drive a Mercedes That’s called 21st century evil. Well I got a lot of power in my role Behind the scenes I can control Most every bank and corporation But I don’t run the globe with a wink and a nod I’m not omniscient I’m just a god Born from your imagination. Kick it shadies! BOY: Come on come on let’s finish this game Mr King Of The Dead or whatever your name You got someone I know Come on come on let’s settle this thing Mr. CEO and formerly King Without her I won’t go. CAST: (in rotation) Here in violet night See a strange and perfect wonder A living man from in the place of light Walking in the world down under.

BOY: Well all this truly is impressive and you’re one splendid chief executive. I’ll be quick, to the point, and not waste your time, cause you’re a powerful man Dressed in a powerful suit. KING: Well I sit in disguise on the board of directors of every Fortune 500 Corp. With my connections I’d be quite a schmuck not to have earned Quite a pile of loot. BOY: I was determined to see you face to face But now that I’m here I’ve realized You’re probably too busy to have time for my case I suppose I should just scoot. KING: No! I got all the time in the world. The whole thing’s been privatized. The dominions of Hell are administered under contract By Halliburton Brown and Root. BOY: Well! That figures. So now you have time for some fun. It must have been an endless chore Being the King of all these Dead. KING: I thought I made this perfectly clear Not to call me King Of the Dead Those kinds of title are such a bore How would you like it if I called you Fred? BOY: Uh, no thanks, Boy is just fine. So should I state my business now Is it that time? KING: Hold on, hold on! Shadies! The hearing begins! Mercury! To my side! The surface world musician shall be tried! And you my splendid queen Sit beside me here on our throne. Now shadies bring forth the girl in question Chain her to that slab of stone. BOY: The girl in question? So you already know the whole situation? What about not being omniscient, and just a product of my imagination And all that jazz? KING: Oh please, Boy, get real. The whole world knows your sappy tale I watch VH-1 on my plasma TV And get Spin and Rolling Stone in the mail. BOY: Even in gods I find I have fans. So perhaps this one understands KING: Of course, in rock, the modern scene Is my special domain, if you know what I mean BOY: Of course I do, and with little surprise Are you also responsible for radio’s demise? KING: No, I wish I was But the humans did that one all on their own They came up with this broadcast fuzz About as cool as being on hold on the phone But still I’ve done my part With all my dark and evil heart To take music away from art And make it the slave of the top forty chart. BOY: I see! So it’s all been planned To hype music that no longer rocks No doubt you’ve lent a hand To Clear Channel, Disney, and Fox! KING: Oh yes those folks are my special friends And the folks at the major labels too We’ve tried to make sure creativity ends And you never hear anything new. MERCURY: Ahem! Excuse me sire! We’d like to remind everyone at this time That this heavy-handed social satire Is all taking place inside Boy-O’s mind! Though the half-baked ideas of this fictional star May titillate and amuse The author assures you they’re infinitely far From representing his real views! The author, in fact, truly loves and respects All radio moguls and record execs! He looks at them with great admiration And believes the trend of media conglomeration Is all in the interest of the health and propagation Of our proud and strong American nation! (patriotic music plays) BOY: That was strange. We seem to have gotten off on a track I came here to arrange To get my lost lady back! (the SHADES bring out BECKY, veiled, disguised as BOY-O’s lost wife) BOY: Yes! There she is The lost love of my life So I ask you simply sir Please give me back my wife. KING: Well you can’t ask straight out like that You got to make a hard sell! So sing it out the way you used to do When I used to see you at the Rhinecliff Hotel! BOY: Well…. I appeal to you in the name of music and art You know how I used to be great But that girl is a missing piece of my heart Without her love I can no longer create. So please let me borrow her a few more years And bring her back up to the light We’ll both return but not until the time is right And dwell with you here in the night. KING: No no no, no dice Boy. Didn’t I just get through explaining I couldn’t care less about your little chirpings! You humans always act as if art is so important! Perhaps it is, to you, but imagine your conceit thinking that your futile mental meanderings could mean anything to the gods! Try again…. BOY: Well…. I appeal to you in the name of all that is fair In protest against the cruelty of death This girl and I were promised a lifetime to share Way too soon she had to draw her last breath So please let me borrow her a few more years And bring her back up to the light We’ll both return but not until the time is right And dwell with you here in the night. KING: No, no, no, Boy, look who you’re talking to! Fairness indeed! Death is my business, whether it comes to an infant or an old timer makes no difference to me. And what can a God like me know of the grief of death? I’ll be sitting in this same throne a thousand years after your Great Little Tragedy has been eroded from the world’s memory. Try again…. BOY: Well…. I appeal to you to in the name of compassion To show some mercy on this flea Some ember of kindness must glow in that heart dark and ashen I beg you down on my knee To please let me borrow her a few more years And bring her back up to the light We’ll both come back but not until the time is right And dwell with you here in the night. KING: Uccchh! Sweet Jesus, no, no, NO! Compassion my toenail! Do I look like a social worker to you? Get up off your knees, you look ridiculous, it’s embarrassing! …. Now I think you’re out of appeals. Head back up to the surface world like a good Boy—I’ll see you back here soon enough. Hearing’s over everybody! BOY: No – wait! I, uhh…. KING: Yes, what is it? I’ve got cable networks to take over! MERCURY: Once again, the author would like to humbly assure his listeners in the communications industry that the views expressed here--- KING: Oh, quiet, messenger! Boy – I’m waiting! BOY: I, uh, I appeal to you – in the name of— Mercury, help! I can’t think of anything! MERCURY: Has her highness the Queen also judged on this matter, oh great CEO? KING: (sigh) My Queen, have you anything to add before we dismiss this troubador? QUEEN: (vocalises) BOY: (as QUEEN continues) That’s it! I appeal to you in the name of your own love Which rules down here just as strongly as above You must have known the fever of love back in the day To find this lovely creature, and kidnap her away! (he sings with the QUEEN) KING: Beautiful, my dear. Okay Boy, you’ve made your case On your last and final appeal You can take your bride away from this place Just one condition on the deal. BOY: Yes? KING: The girl will ascend with you to the surface world walking no closer that five paces behind you, veiled, and guided by my handy messenger Mercury, while you walk on in front, always looking forward. You shall not look around to confirm her presence until you reach the surface world, and by this demonstration of trust you shall prove your gratefulness and appreciation of my wise judgment. Remember no looking back the whole way up or you lose this little chickadee forever, got it? Do we have a deal? BOY: Yes! MERCURY: Five paces behind, guide the girl, the Boy can’t look back or I banish her back here forever. Got it! KING: The friends you came with have already been transported back to the sunlit world where they will watch your progress on this special PLASMA SCREEN TV! It gets 666 channels and is guaranteed to waste most of the rest of your pitifully few remaining waking and living hours! (QUEEN displays the TV like Vanna White) BOY: Thanks a lot, King! I mean, uh, Mr CEO! KING: Yeah yeah yeah. Do me a favor and try to write a hit single one of these days instead of this dated concept rock! BOY: Thank you Queen! KING: Just get out of here! MERCURY: Come on Boy, let’s get going! You, sweetie, you come with me. (the KING and QUEEN go back to being DR. Ü and KITTEN; BOY starts marching followed by MERCURY guiding BECKY who is still veiled) Hey drummer….how ‘bout some escape music!

CAST: No no never never look back, don’t turn around Lead the girl back from the dead Keep your eyes on the road ahead No never look back, Boy No no never never look back, while underground Til you reach the surface air Just have faith the girl is there No never look back, Boy BOY: And she’ll be my queen CAST: Sweet and serene BOY: And I need her Beside me, to guide me To ride free, all the way home CAST: And she’ll be your queen BOY: In silver and green And I need her To hold me, rock and roll me, Unfold me all the way home. CAST: No no never never look back, don’t glance about BOY: This is such a stupid rule Hades played me for a fool CAST: No never look back, Boy No no never never look back, don’t start to doubt BOY: We’ve come miles from smoke and flame This is such a useless game CAST: No never look back, Boy BOY: How long must I wait CAST: To pass through the gate BOY: Cause I need her I can’t fake this, I can’t take this I won’t make this, all the way home. CAST: Not long now to wait BOY: To meet with my fate Cause I need her And I see no trace, why don’t she show her face Such a slow pace, all the way home. I’m gonna look, I just don’t care Cause I can’t take this any longer. CAST: No! we’re almost there You got to be a little stronger BOY: (after instrumental) I’m gonna look, I just don’t care Cause I can’t take this any longer. CAST: No! we’re almost there You got to be a little stronger BOY: I gotta look (NO!) I gotta see (NO!) How do I know (NO!) She’s still with me (NO!) I gotta see….(Nooooo!!!) MERCURY: Boy say goodbye…. CAST: And now she is gone BOY: I tried to go on But I need her CAST: There was nothing to it But you blew it Why’d you do it Boy say goodbye. BOY: Yes now she is gone CAST: He couldn’t go on BOY: And I need her CAST: Say bye-bye, now Time to cry, now BOY: Time to die, now And I don’t know why.

MERCURY: So, I don’t think the plan was, ah, successful. BECKY: Ah, no…. DR. Ü: Da plan is kaput! Boy is a dumbkopf! He is now regressing childhood, playing ball in the halls of the Tybus mansion….but even this is a sort of overbearing pompous rock opera type regression…. MERCURY: Lord, what if he busts out with some 80’s style guitar solo halfway through the song? DR. Ü: I fear zis is all too possible, mein liebchen, ja. BOY: (playing toy piano) Hello, I am the Boy I Bounce the Green Ball I lean on the wall looking down. Hello, I am the Boy Out in the sunshine I stand on the sideline, looking down. Maybe there once was a reason A trace of some other face But I don’t know where Now nobody’s there And I just don’t care About anybody else but me. Really I’m fine I’ve made up my mind I just ain’t got time For anybody else but me. (he plays an 80’s style guitar solo with full orchestra) Hello, I am the Boy I crawl like a bug I sleep on the rug in the hallway. Hello, I am the reader Of forgotten dead writers And a breeder of spiders in the hallway. Maybe there once was another A soul to fill up this hole But I don’t know where Now nobody’s there And I just don’t care About anybody else but me. Really I’m fine I’ve made up my mind I just ain’t got time For anybody else but me. Just ain’t no time for anybody else but meeeee…… CAST: Stop it! Stop! Stop singing that note! Get him! Make him stop! Get him! (CAST attacks BOY; then the scene freezes)

STROGENA: My brother—the situation is dire. RILDIVAM: I can see. The humans, angered by his excessively melancholy singing, are attempting to tear young Frederick into little pieces. STROGENA: We must act precipitously. RILDIVAM: I see only one solution— STROGENA: Exactly—we must spray the entire scene with Schnoozis— RILDIVAM: Quite so my brother. Let us teleport to their locality— STROGENA: The coordinates are already entered into the Matter Relocator. (they teleport, arriving at the scene with spray bottles of Schnoozis™) STROGENA: Spray it everywhere you can. RILDIVAM: So this will make his Boy-O fantasy real? STROGENA: Yes, and he will thus escape the clutches of his enraged former friends….he will be transported into his current fantasy, in which he is lying on a peaceful shore in a pink plastic lounge chair, 2 beautiful women on either side, drinking a tropical alcoholic beverage, waiting for the tide to rise…. RILDIVAM: (as they finish spraying the Schnoozis™) We will have to hook him up to life support on the ship. STROGENA: Yes—he will have to spend the rest of his days dependent on Schnoozis™. Not such a bad fate really? RILDIVAM: A sort of death, really. STROGENA: Or is it in fact the ultimate enlightenment? RILDIVAM: Perhaps it would be more subtle to allow our listeners to ponder these questions on their own. STROGENA: Indubitably, my brother. Now then…ahem….let us remove our irritating ring modulators and sing Boy-O a soothing lullaby. RILDIVAM: Indeed, and why not let those two pleasantly shaped sex kittens join us, since they so deeply regret the murder of their hero….

ALIENS: Broken down, and torn up into parts Be still, the pressure almost killed you CAST: Run to ground, your fragile human hearts Come sleep, here where we can build you STROGENA: I see you’ve lost your way again BECKY & KITTEN: It happens to the best of men RILDIVAM: Late at night, the highway sign glows CAST: Follow the light, and go where it goes ALIENS: We wait to receive you And we will not deceive you CAST: And everything you say we will believe you No more worries no more fear Come on in, it’s warm in here And we are always standing near Come on in, it’s warm in here No more worries no more fear Come on in, it’s warm in here And we’ll keep safe the love we made It’s time to fade, fade, fade Fade Away.

BOY: Feels like a dream As I’m lying on the beach Staring up at blue sky Just beyond my reach I spread my towel on the edge of a sandy rise And wait for the girl in green to open her eyes And someone’s shouting faraway But it doesn’t matter anyway I hope the sun don’t dry your makeup And I hope we never wake up CAST: We thought the time was right to get a little rest for you kid. We tried with all our might to do the very best for you kid. We know you need to hide We know you’re somewhere deep inside So just sit back and wait for the tide To rise, rise, rise Just wait for the tide to rise. BOY: (OR BECKY/MERCURY) Now the girl rolls over with a sleepy smile She’s programmed to do that every once in a while He sips his drink and smokes the perfect cigarette The illusion should last a while yet And it feels so good to hold her hand And digs his feet into the sand Oh! Dreaming here beneath the sun Oh! Waiting for the tide to come CAST: We thought the time was right to get a little rest for you kid. We tried with all our might to do the very best for you kid. We know you need to hide We know you’re somewhere deep inside So just sit back and wait for the tide To rise, rise, rise Just wait for the tide to rise. BOY: Picking up seashells Listening for churchbells Watching the ocean A world without motion ALIENS: We’ve got so much to teach you Just let the cool water reach you CAST: And fade away, fade away, fade away. BOY: Wo, wo wo wo, I’m so glad that I closed my eyes Wo, wo wo wo, just waiting for the tide to rise (after a guitar solo KITTEN comes out again as QUEEN OF THE DEAD) QUEEN: Here in your dream Lie with me Flying free Life, let go All whole. CAST: Let go, let go, let go QUEEN: Sleep in my cool embrace You’ve run your race Peacefully Forget, be free.

CAST: There he goes, our former friend The very last rock star has gone around the bend He grabbed his coat And he played one last note, and he said BOY: That’s all folks, this is the end. CAST: And there he goes, is he alright The very last rock star is fading out of sight He’s in his car And he took his guitar, and he said BOY: That’s all folks, say nighty-night. MERCURY: It’s finally time to turn the page (turn the page) Our boy has jumped down off the stage (he’s left the stage) After so many funky shows And where he’s headed no one knows CAST: But there he goes, oh sorry day The very last rock star has nothing left to say He could no longer sing And he broke a string, and he said BOY: That’s all folks my my hey hey. BECKY: And the band just keeps on playing (look at ‘em go) Hoping for the show to go on (don’t stop the show) And the crowd just keeps on paying MERCURY: But it’s a con, the star is gone, ALL: He promised them a rose And then he punched them in the nose And there he goes, hanging up the phone, The very last rock star has finally outgrown His favorite bluesy licks And all the party chicks, and he says BOY: Where I go now I go alone ALL: And there he goes, god save his soul The very last rock star And the very last rock and roll Well he had his fun But the game is done, and he says BOY: Where I go now I will be whole…. I’m gonna be whole I’m gonna be one I’m gonna walk out In the morning sun Be no more tears Be no more war Brothers and sisters Don’tcha weep no more MERCURY: It’s finally time to turn the page Our boy has jumped down off the stage After so many funky shows And where he’s headed no one knows But there he goes KITTEN AND BECKY: So sorry boys MERCURY: The very last rock star has packed away his toys KITTEN & BECKY: Seems wrong, to stop the song, but he says BOY: Thanks oh so much, now move along.