SNAPPERCRACKERS

(Now CRAFTY FOXX, with BUBSY BEALS looking on, starts unpacking wooden stencilled crates of 'Snappercrackers' which each look like variously colored and shaped fireworks, and tossing them around the room. TEACHER TESS also looks on from her upstairs closet and LITTLE JACK peers around the door.)

CRAFTY FOXX

Snappercrackers! Snappercrackers! The best thing for destroying any place!
Snappercrackers! Snappercrackers! Made by all the friendly folks at Ace!

I've messed up many houses and I've ruined many rooms
Destroyed them in the good old-fashioned style
A-breaking and a-smashing with obnoxious bangs and booms
Prancing round and cackling all the while.
But these little cardboard tubes are so much fun
I light them up and toss them one by one
And now when I want to break things by the ounce or by the ton
My Snappercrackers help me get it done

TEACHER TESS, LITTLE JACK, BUBSY BEALS

And now when he wants to break things by the ounce or by the ton
His Snappercrackers help him get it done!

CRAFTY FOXX
(tossing Snappercrackers every which way)

PHIZZ!
(That one slimed every pot and pan in the kitchen!)
BURZIP!
(Woo! That one's an earthquake! So much for the entryway chandelier!)
WUP!
(I guess the blue ones are floods....or are they stink bombs?)

They light with a match or a fingernail scratch
They explode and coat the walls with disgusting goos and slimes
The perfect wrecking aid for the home-destroying trade
For the busy evil sidekick in these hectic modern times.

TEACHER TESS, LITTLE JACK, BUBSY BEALS

He's a busy evil sidekick in these hectic modern times!

CRAFTY FOXX, TEACHER TESS, LITTLE JACK, BUBSY BEALS

Snappercrackers! Snappercrackers! The best thing for destroying any place!
Snappercrackers! Snappercrackers! Made by all the friendly folks at Ace!

CRAFTY FOXX

I remember well my first time wrecking this oak-panelled den
With nothing but a shovel and an axe
I had no fine equipment, no explosive help back then
I just smashed it up with well-placed blows and hacks
But technology has changed my profession
And given me new ways of self-expression
And now when there's a house that I need flooded, wrecked or burned
My Snappercrackers leave no stone unturned!

TEACHER TESS, LITTLE JACK, BUBSY BEALS

And now when there's a house that he needs flooded, wrecked or burned
His Snappercrackers leave no stone unturned!

CRAFTY FOXX

BOOM!
(Oh yeah, there goes the master bathroom!)
POW!
(That one took out the upstairs hallway! Say goodbye to all those lovely pictures!)
ZAM!
(Cool! Heh-heh, I slimed all those baby blue curtains and drapes!)

CRAFTY FOXX, BUBSY BEALS

They light with a match or a fingernail scratch
They explode and coat the walls with disgusting goos and slimes
So nifty and so cool, they're the perfect wrecking tool
For the callous cackling vandal in these hectic modern times.

TEACHER TESS, LITTLE JACK, BUBSY BEALS

He's a callous cackling vandal in these hectic modern times!

CRAFTY FOXX, TEACHER TESS, LITTLE JACK, BUBSY BEALS

He's (I'm) a callous cackling vandal in these hectic modern times!

CRAFTY FOXX

I love these modern times!

(After an incredibly bright explosion we Black Out.)