BOY:
Well all this truly is impressive and you’re one splendid chief executive.
I’ll be quick, to the point, and not waste your time, cause you’re a powerful man
Dressed in a powerful suit.

KING:
Well I sit in disguise on the board of directors of every Fortune 500 Corp.
With my connections I’d be quite a schmuck not to have earned
Quite a pile of loot.

BOY:
I was determined to see you face to face
But now that I’m here I’ve realized
You’re probably too busy to have time for my case
I suppose I should just scoot.

KING:
No! I got all the time in the world.
The whole thing’s been privatized.
The dominions of Hell are administered under contract
By Halliburton Brown and Root.

BOY:
Well! That figures.
So now you have time for some fun.
It must have been an endless chore
Being the King of all these Dead.

KING:
I thought I made this perfectly clear
Not to call me King Of the Dead
Those kinds of title are such a bore
How would you like it if I called you Fred?

BOY:
Uh, no thanks, Boy is just fine.
So should I state my business now
Is it that time?

KING:
Hold on, hold on!
Shadies! The hearing begins!
Mercury! To my side!
The surface world musician shall be tried!
And you my splendid queen
Sit beside me here on our throne.
Now shadies bring forth the girl in question
Chain her to that slab of stone.

BOY:
The girl in question? So you already know the whole situation?
What about not being omniscient, and just a product of my imagination
And all that jazz?

KING:
Oh please, Boy, get real.
The whole world knows your sappy tale
I watch VH-1 on my plasma TV
And get Spin and Rolling Stone in the mail.

BOY:
Even in gods I find I have fans.
So perhaps this one understands

KING:
Of course, in rock, the modern scene
Is my special domain, if you know what I mean

BOY:
Of course I do, and with little surprise
Are you also responsible for radio’s demise?

KING:
No, I wish I was
But the humans did that one all on their own
They came up with this broadcast fuzz
About as cool as being on hold on the phone
But still I’ve done my part
With all my dark and evil heart
To take music away from art
And make it the slave of the top forty chart.

BOY:
I see! So it’s all been planned
To hype music that no longer rocks
No doubt you’ve lent a hand
To Clear Channel, Disney, and Fox!

KING:
Oh yes those folks are my special friends
And the folks at the major labels too
We’ve tried to make sure creativity ends
And you never hear anything new.

MERCURY:
Ahem! Excuse me sire!
We’d like to remind everyone at this time
That this heavy-handed social satire
Is all taking place inside Boy-O’s mind!
Though the half-baked ideas of this fictional star
May titillate and amuse
The author assures you they’re infinitely far
From representing his real views!
The author, in fact, truly loves and respects
All radio moguls and record execs!
He looks at them with great admiration
And believes the trend of media conglomeration
Is all in the interest of the health and propagation
Of our proud and strong American nation!

(patriotic music plays)

BOY:
That was strange.
We seem to have gotten off on a track
I came here to arrange
To get my lost lady back!

(the SHADES bring out BECKY, veiled, disguised as BOY-O’s lost wife)

BOY:
Yes! There she is
The lost love of my life
So I ask you simply sir
Please give me back my wife.

KING:
Well you can’t ask straight out like that
You got to make a hard sell!
So sing it out the way you used to do
When I used to see you at the Rhinecliff Hotel!

BOY:
Well….
I appeal to you in the name of music and art
You know how I used to be great
But that girl is a missing piece of my heart
Without her love I can no longer create.
So please let me borrow her a few more years
And bring her back up to the light
We’ll both return but not until the time is right
And dwell with you here in the night.

KING:
No no no, no dice Boy. Didn’t I just get through explaining I couldn’t care less about your little chirpings! You humans always act as if art is so important! Perhaps it is, to you, but imagine your conceit thinking that your futile mental meanderings could mean anything to the gods! Try again….

BOY:
Well….
I appeal to you in the name of all that is fair
In protest against the cruelty of death
This girl and I were promised a lifetime to share
Way too soon she had to draw her last breath
So please let me borrow her a few more years
And bring her back up to the light
We’ll both return but not until the time is right
And dwell with you here in the night.

KING:
No, no, no, Boy, look who you’re talking to! Fairness indeed! Death is my business, whether it comes to an infant or an old timer makes no difference to me. And what can a God like me know of the grief of death? I’ll be sitting in this same throne a thousand years after your Great Little Tragedy has been eroded from the world’s memory. Try again….

BOY:
Well….
I appeal to you to in the name of compassion
To show some mercy on this flea
Some ember of kindness must glow in that heart dark and ashen
I beg you down on my knee
To please let me borrow her a few more years
And bring her back up to the light
We’ll both come back but not until the time is right
And dwell with you here in the night.

KING:
Uccchh! Sweet Jesus, no, no, NO! Compassion my toenail! Do I look like a social worker to you? Get up off your knees, you look ridiculous, it’s embarrassing! …. Now I think you’re out of appeals. Head back up to the surface world like a good Boy—I’ll see you back here soon enough. Hearing’s over everybody!

BOY:
No – wait! I, uhh….

KING:
Yes, what is it? I’ve got cable networks to take over!

MERCURY:
Once again, the author would like to humbly assure his listeners in the communications industry that the views expressed here---

KING:
Oh, quiet, messenger! Boy – I’m waiting!

BOY:
I, uh, I appeal to you – in the name of—
Mercury, help! I can’t think of anything!

MERCURY:
Has her highness the Queen also judged on this matter, oh great CEO?

KING:
(sigh) My Queen, have you anything to add before we dismiss this troubador?

QUEEN:
(vocalises)

BOY: (as QUEEN continues)
That’s it!
I appeal to you in the name of your own love
Which rules down here just as strongly as above
You must have known the fever of love back in the day
To find this lovely creature, and kidnap her away!
(he sings with the QUEEN)

KING:
Beautiful, my dear.
Okay Boy, you’ve made your case
On your last and final appeal
You can take your bride away from this place
Just one condition on the deal.

BOY:
Yes?

KING:
The girl will ascend with you to the surface world walking no closer that five paces behind you, veiled, and guided by my handy messenger Mercury, while you walk on in front, always looking forward. You shall not look around to confirm her presence until you reach the surface world, and by this demonstration of trust you shall prove your gratefulness and appreciation of my wise judgment. Remember no looking back the whole way up or you lose this little chickadee forever, got it? Do we have a deal?

BOY:
Yes!

MERCURY:
Five paces behind, guide the girl, the Boy can’t look back or I banish her back here forever. Got it!

KING:
The friends you came with have already been transported back to the sunlit world where they will watch your progress on this special PLASMA SCREEN TV! It gets 666 channels and is guaranteed to waste most of the rest of your pitifully few remaining waking and living hours!

(QUEEN displays the TV like Vanna White)

BOY:
Thanks a lot, King! I mean, uh, Mr CEO!

KING:
Yeah yeah yeah. Do me a favor and try to write a hit single one of these days instead of this dated concept rock!

BOY:
Thank you Queen!

KING:
Just get out of here!

MERCURY:
Come on Boy, let’s get going! You, sweetie, you come with me.

(the KING and QUEEN go back to being DR. Ü and KITTEN; BOY starts marching followed by MERCURY guiding BECKY who is still veiled)

Hey drummer….how ‘bout some escape music!